Hitler hates oven baked fries

Fast food has now organized a vast fast food extermination program. The method? Baking, or course.

No Hope for the Fruits and Veggies

How can healthy food compete when fast food is so militant, organized, and downright evil? DSFlora paints a bleak picture of our nutritional future:

Expectations vs. Reality

You ever order a cheeseburger only to be sorely disappointed? The one you saw in the picture was this plump, proud, glistening grease sandwich of greatness. But the one you bought looks like it's been sat on for about an hour.

That's why bellez thinks fast food is evil. It's a compelling artwork, for sure:

An art competition to save humanity

We're all well aware of the ill effects of fast food. Saturated fats, hydrogenated fats, sodium...they're all going to kill you one day. YOU know that, yet health scientists continue to churn out the same articles month after month. As if we needed another nutritional treatise to solve our impending doom.

The fact of the matter is that fast food is evil. I don't mean that is some vague figurative sense. I mean fast food is actually running a worldwide sleeper cell operation; it's waiting, watching, plotting, and calculating to destroy everything you hold dear.

Fast food is infiltrating your life at an alarming rate and demoralizing your psyche. You think you can "determine" your level of health by the dietary choices you make every day. WRONG. That idea was just planted in your mind by the vast fast food conspiracy. You have NO CHOICE. You've already been set up for failure. You must submit and eat that cheeseburger.

By "fast food" I'm not talking about executives from fast food companies. I mean the cheeseburgers themselves are planning to kill you in your sleep. This is obvious so I'm not going to explain it.

So, artists of PA-G unite! Exercise your artistic powers and draw your best renditions of evil fast food. Submit them to Paint Avant-Garde and tag them with "fast food is evil." This art competition will run until the end of Sunday, April 3rd and the top-rated artwork will win.

Do it to save humanity!

While I was away

Seoul metro area is the second largest metro area in the world. So there's this lovely cloud of smog that permeates the place and I got to worrying about a 3-week cough I had. At least, that was two weeks ago. At that time I saw a doc and got a huge package of pills...they hand them out like candy here. After a week of that, the cough was taken care of and I felt pretty good about life, then suddenly over the past week a bacterial infection took hold in my mouth. The bacterial equivalent of Seoul metro area was being constructed on my tonsils, and next thing I knew I could barely talk or even swallow.

Yesterday I got a new and improved doc who gave me new and improved pills and now my situation is looking up. Twice today, he jammed this gigantic syringe into my mouth to drain out all the vile fluids.

I think I'm getting back to my normal self, so I'm back to PA-G. I made a lovely artwork to celebrate my bacterial infection.

Nuclear Boy wears a diaper

Japanese MS Paint artists have created a lovely video to educate Japanese children on the plight of Nuclear Boy. I found this video highly informative and in no way misleading:

Hello pirate, how do you do?

hellopirate2 joined Paint Avant-Garde when we were still just a ramshackle, eclectic collection of digital scribbles, so he's a bit of a PA-G pioneer. His artworks feature drugs, alcohol, sailors, prostitutes, and so many other lovely topics. I recently had a chance to interview him:

I think it's awesome that you're currently living in South Africa since that's a place I've always wanted to visit. What brought you there, and what country are you from originally?

Well I was born and raised in South Africa, it's a hard life, riding zebras to school, living in huts and fighting lions in my garden. Haha just kidding! No South Africa is a great place and I'm proud to live here it's a very diverse country. My native tongue is Afrikaans, it kind of sounds like Dutch. It was created by the Dutch settlers here in South Africa in the 1600's. I live near the coast and I just can't get enough of the ocean.

You have many intriguing artworks on PA-G, and I’d like if you could explain a few. I love your artworks "Witch Hunt" and "Witch House". What's the story behind the pig?

Oh those were hard to draw. Well, it all started when I read "Lord of the Flies" a book we had to do for school. It's about these kids getting stuck on island, where one of the kids stumble upon a pig's head rotting in the sun. The kid was hallucinating and thought the pig spoke to him, so well that's where I got the whole bewitched idea. And "Witch House" was when I was browsing through pictures of abandoned homes while browsing the net when I had the inspiration to draw.

 

What about "Praise Propane"? It looks like this man can give one hell of a sermon.

Well, I had the inspiration from a song I was listening to: "Pendulum - Propane Nightmares." I also saw the music video, which was about this group of people in a cult with this crazed priest guy who wanted to poison them and a few of the them escaped luckily. Haha I don't know it's just a good song really.

Tell me about "hOT mAMMA". This is seriously the sexiest dolphin I've ever seen.

Yet again I get most of my creative ideas from songs, but this band "Jax Panik - Dinosaur" is a local band but quite popular in South Africa. The song mostly goes about sex, rock-stars,  guitars and random fruit shaped things. The music video is also mostly Caribbean or Jamaican landscapes with dancing fruits and fish and it was just really hard not to draw anything about that song. It had a big effect on me haha.

A few of your artworks have some really good tattoos ("You Suck" and "Sailor", for example). Alcohol and mustaches also come up from time to time. Hell, I've even seen armpit hair more than once in your artworks...these are all very masculine themes. What other themes do you like to draw?

Well those are my most favorite things in the world so I can't help but draw them. Urm well I went through an emo phase a few years ago, but now I pretty much draw anything. I like drawing people mostly and a bit of landscape and cities as well. I try to think outside the box mostly because bland, boring art is a real waste I think haha.

Is digital doodling your only creative outlet, or do you have others (and if so, what are they)?

No, I do draw traditionally with a pen or pencil most of the time, but I also paint and have made a few embarrassing sculptures. But so far the most fun must have been to draw for PA-G. I do have a few other websites where I post other art with a bit more hard thought behind them:
http://www.facebook.com/l/fe32afAAgcOTX0Wr7e3dwVi-MPA/pe2te2r.deviantart.com/
and http://www.facebook.com/peter.go.poop.chantler

And finally, what’s your favorite color and why is it the best color in the world?

Well, I'm not sure really but I think after I looked at most of my houses I have built on Sims3 they're almost all in shades of green! Inside and out haha. I think it's my favorite color because everything just looks better in that shade.

Our Demystified World

Our relentless pursuit to master the world provides us with much. Modern science explains to us everything from from this week's weather, to eating a heart-healthy diet, to the origin of the formation of the cosmos. Yet our world mastery also demystifies what was once wild, exciting, and unknown about our planet.

In the Meili Xue Shan mountain range at the Southeastern edge of the Tibetan plateau, even villages to which no roads lead have now begun to be reached by the long arm of China's tourist industry.  When I traveled to this region, I befriended travellers and made the arduous hike up 1000m and down again to the distant village of Yubeng. Sharing our path was a steady stream of Han Chinese tourists riding pack animals, all while inhaling excessively from compressed oxygen canisters.  Along with them, Tibetan-run facilities for food and drink had sprung up along the trail.

Yet while the overall traffic on this journey was small, it was enough for one local Tibetan to remark on the state of affairs.  He said that the sacred peaks of the Kawo Karpo -- ever-shrouded within the clouds -- choose not to reveal themselves to us because there are too many tourists about. The man bestowed god-like attributes upon those mountains, and I thought it was an amazing way to think about the world. Yet this statement caused an outburst of laughter from Chinese passerby, and perhaps predictably so.  In our modernity we believe not in spirits, but in science, and science tells us that the weather and the mountain are two seperate agents...yet where is the excitement in that?  I wanted to believe there was some truth in what the old Tibetan said.

 

In the following days we continued our hiking along cliffside trails that were in dangerous decay, making our way to the glacial lake at 4100m.  Perhaps afterall we did earn the respect of the mountains, since the snow-capped peaks of the Kawo Karpo eventually decided to show themselves to us. It's a prospect I cling to in our demystified world.

Interview with artist DSFlora

 I've been continually impressed by the artworks of DSFlora, and I recently had an opportunity to interview him:

When did you start using MS Paint to create art?

I started using MS Paint while I was a student at UW-Madison, working as a DJ for the college radio station, WSUM. My first Paint artworks were for fliers to advertise the different radio shows I hosted. However, the hobby didn't really kick in until I was working my first job out of college, living with my parents. I was under a lot of stress at the time, and MS Paint offered a weird, and strangely relaxing way to unwind after work.

Who’s your favorite artist on Paint Avant-Garde and why?

It's tough to choose one. hellopirate2 has some classic works, and he pays attention to detail, which is rare for MS Painters. nametheGarels has a good theme going with his portraits. And I love GiliusThunderhead's series on "infamous cult leaders" ... you won't find that sort of thing anywhere else.

You have many intriguing artworks on PA-G, and I’d like if you could explain a few. What’s the meaning of “It Came from the Purple Void”? This artwork is quite scary!

It has no special meaning other than the idea of a ghastly thing hanging out in some vacuum of time and space. Sort of like an old dorky sci fi flick, like The Blob. I like to play with colors and large "filled" spaces. Large filled spaces are calming for me.

What about “The Tragic Rockabilly King”? Is this the King of Rock and Roll?

I'm very inspired by the idea of Elvis, who started out as a lean, handsome and energetic good ole boy from Mississippi and turned into an overweight, washed up and sad shadow of his former self. It's the American Dream turned upside down. It's drugs. It's who we are.

What’s the inspiration behind “Summer ‘92”? This artwork makes me think of Gatorade and Michael Jordan.

It makes me think of those things too. I love the early 90s because that era reminds me of childhood. We had great role models - Jordan, Ken Griffey Jr., Mario and the Ninja Turtles. It was an optimistic period in our history. Anything was possible. The opposite of today.

What’s the meaning of “At the Tentacle's First Sight”? How do you feel about the set of visual responses made to this artwork?

Well, that tentacle has to be coming from somewhere - so what's up in the tree? I think this was inspired by the kind of books I liked as a kid. Like The Teacher from the Black Lagoon. You always had a sense something awful was lurking behind that shadow. And I love the visual responses. I never would have guessed it would inspire so many sequels. I feel like George Lucas. I am George Lucas.

What about “H.R. Puff n' Lovecraft”? This is another chillingly scary artwork.

Is it scary? I thought it was cute. It's a Beanie Baby version of Lovecraft's Cthulhu.

Is MS Paint your only creative outlet, or do you have others (and if so, what are they)?

I actually do some "real" painting as well, though this is a newer hobby. My main creative outlet is writing. I have a blog about nothing (http://takelifeseriously.blogspot.com/) and I have an ongoing "e-zine" project (http://truestoriesofamericanboys.wordpress.com/).

And finally, what’s your favorite color and why is it the best color in the world?

My favorite colors are blue and red. Ask me on different days and I'll give you different answers. Blue and red are the most important colors, because one calms you down and the other one gets you fired up. Plus, together they make purple, my third favorite color.

And the felines prevail!

The results are in, and the final score is 7 artworks in favor of kitties and 2 in favor of reptiles. The winning artwork was "The Construction of His Eternal Tomb" submitted by DSFlora, which ended with an art score of 9. Alas, the almighty cat species has triumphed over the despicable lizard horde!

Cats Liberate Denver Intl. Airport

GiliusThunderhead demonstrates that the powerful, reptilian elite have hijacked America...that is, until the cats had something to say about it.

Choosing the wrong species

I purchased a lizard army of 8 archers, I researched enhanced woodworking and archery to give archers +2 damage and +3 speed. I reinforced the castle walls by +200. I even trained a lizard hero and erected a battle flag. Yet within mere seconds of the cragon (cat dragon) attack, I lost almost half of the army and my castle was on fire. I'm starting to think that felines are overpowered...

Reptilian Hieroglyphs

Conflicting excavations by Austerlitz have unearthed crude hieroglyphs depicting an ancient reptilian race. Behold below: the brutal execution of a feline by the lizard king Geckankhamun.