There are a range of reasons that you should learn to fear the fan: fans create dangerous levels of CO2 in the room, fans can cause you to die from hypothermia, fans can cause you to die from heat exhaustion, fan blades chop up oxygen molecules so you can't breath them, and fans change the air pressure in a room, creating a vacuum of pain that will cause your heart to explode. Of course, all of these beliefs are refuted by scientific evidence, but science shmience. Fans are evil.
One of my Korean students brilliantly portrayed why you ought to run for the hills when you see a fan:
And don't even think about getting into a UFO with a fan, fool:
My ex-boyfriend found an old rusty metal fan on the side of the road, but it still worked. He had it on his bedside table. It had three settings, and they were all "very high." The huge rusty metal blades were only encased by a few thin metal "spokes" so you could just stick your hand right into the blades if you wanted to. But who would want to?! We stuck a carrot in there, and sure enough, tiny orange shards were everywhere, and the carrot was quickly sliced away. Now imagine that carrot is your finger. Needless to say, I would not let him keep this thing on during the night right next to the bed. A license should be required to operate that disturbing piece of machinery.
ReplyDeleteThat was no ordinary fan. That was the fan from hell!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, it sounds like a small child would be very tempted to just stick their whole hand in there.