Open Source Storytelling

Storytime Unleashed
I just finished creating a collaborative storytelling platform that allows the creation of open source stories, called "Storytime." The basic idea is that artists who use a combination of MSPaint art (or any other digital art) and text can create individual "chapters", which are then linked together into multiple storylines. Over time, the community upvotes (or downvotes) individual chapters and new chapters are added to the most popular storyline, causing it to rise to the top. However, the less-popular storylines remain visible (allowing for alternate endings). In this way, I hope people can create really cool stories together.

Chapter Dynamics
Individual chapters are ranked based on a "story score," which is a sort of cumulative tally of bonus points from the chapter itself as well as proceeding chapters that are linked to it. In this way, an individual chapter can benefit from upvotes or chapter submissions that have been made indirectly to it (i.e. bonus points garnered from chapters farther up in the storyline). In this way, the strength of overall chains of chapters trumps the strength of chapters on an individual basis.

Open Source, Collaborative Features
If new artists develop popular new story ideas, the direction of that story can always change. So although a story about Jack and Jill might well start off with them going up the hill and end with Jack breaking his crown, the PA-G community would have the opportunity to change that storyline into something a bit more interesting. For instance, Jack and Jill could walk up the Hill and THEN built a high-tech water distribution system for their entire village so no one will ever have to waste their time going up that hill again.

Zombies First
I started off Storytime with a short, uncompleted open source story called "Adventures of a Zombie Rights Activist." I hope you can check it out and let me know what you think: http://www.pa-g.co/index.php?p=story&z=1

Pleased to meet you, JoQusary

JoQusary is an MS Paint aficionado, a thoughtful visual responder, and a wonderfully avid hater of aliens. Her avant-garde artworks make the world tremble with intrigue, so I was delighted to have the opportunity to interview her for PA-G:

Your artworks follow the life and times of your ordinary, down-to-earth heroine JoQusary. Common themes in your art include love, self-reflection, and the bitch-slapping of alien-eyed anime girls. What is the inspiration behind these lovely MS Paint artworks?

I used to be a pen and paper artist before my brother stuffed the scanner with his packet of instant noodles - he thought this method would ensure the safety of his food supply before aliens come to invade Earth in 2012.

I had no problems with aliens until one day when a human male whom I had a crush on ran off with one of them. It broke my heart so much that I began to waste myself away drinking 16 cups of coffee per day while drawing on my laptop with MS Paint. An evil arch-nemesis of mine stumbled upon my drawings while attempting to pour cyanide into my latte and, well… we somehow got romantically involved thereon. He seems to enjoy being my muse while brewing cups of coffee for me now. I hope he doesn’t lace them with cyanide.

I’m extremely intrigued by “I Had a Weird Dream.” It appears as though you’re preparing your double-headed demon horse to launch an attack on a team of high school cheerleaders, but perhaps I am mistaken. Please tell me more about your strange dream and this artwork.

It is my habit to record any dream I experience in a dream journal whether in writing or drawing. In “I Had a Weird Dream,” I dreamed that the world has two suns. As if the global warming is not enough to kill us all. I found myself standing alone in the middle of a dry, parched land when suddenly a most peculiar looking two-headed creature of unknown species approached me, dragging with it an elaborate crib made of gold and red velvet. Veins of red stream gushed out of the ground underneath the crib. It contained the most beautiful infant I have ever seen.

The creature asked me if I could spare some milk for the infant. I have no experience in breast-feeding at all, but strangely that did not stop me from nursing him. That gained me approval from the creature, which before mysteriously vanishing into thin air said, “For centuries we have sought for his love.” I have been searching for someone who could interpret this weird dream, but to no avail.

And then there’s “How to Make Curry Puffs.” This looks like a delectable meal that incorporates a mixture of Southeast Asian cooking techniques along with the ingenious use of human sweat. Please tell me more about this delightful recipe.

A Chinese monk once told me that the secret to making the best curry puffs in the world is to press the dough between human armpits. The appearance and flavour of the curry puff depends on the humidity of armpits used in the process. Aside from giving the curry puff its trademark beautiful ring patterns, this method also ensures perfect salty and savoury taste that lingers in one’s palate after each crunchy bite. I thought it would be nice to share this fascinating recipe with the world through my artwork.

“Sick of Anime Girls” – who isn’t? Many young women today become fixated on the “anime girl” look, only to later find out that they attract unwanted attention from aliens. I really like your artwork because it seems as though you are slapping this anime girl so hard that you’re actually transferring your wisdom through your hand to her brain. Please tell me more about this phenomenal masterpiece.

As everyone is aware, the “anime girl” look craze has crept its way out of Japan and into the shores of other nations which originally did not have blonde Asian girls with eyes as big as rugby balls. Girls as young as 2 to 92 are deluded into thinking that rather than being themselves, looking like a non-existent cartoon character with excessively retarded mannerism will get them their prince charming, who will then whisk them away to live happily ever after in a silver-paved kingdom somewhere on the Moon.

Sadly, what they do not realize is that this message has been subliminally embedded in anime series targeted to young female audience by a group of horny aliens. These aliens, desolate of the female sex, strive to procreate with our females in order to preserve their alien race – by fashioning anime girls to suit the desired alien look before the process of selective abduction. I believe I am born with a mission to wake up all human girls in this world from submitting their will to these horny aliens. Once I have tried imposing the “Bitch Slap of Consciousness” on an anime girl for this purpose. Unfortunately, I have only come to realize that there was never a brain inside an anime girl’s two-dimensional skull.

I can really relate to “Fickle.” In four simple comic squares, you capture the complex and elusive nature of the female species. Just how is a man supposed to react to such unpredictable behavior? 

Being a woman myself, I admit that it is sometimes difficult to stick to a single feeling for a man at one time especially when he is not aware of it. At times, a man who unluckily becomes a woman’s object of affection might be adored like a god when she is in a good disposition; or showered with kisses when she is feeling passionate; or thrashed when she is having her menses. If only men knew when to hug and when to run according to women’s mood, relationships would have been easy breezy. But then again, where’s the adventure in such relationship?

Finally, what is your favorite color? Why is it the best color ever known to mankind?

I like the colour red – it symbolizes my attraction to life. In life one can never escape from anger, lust, guilt, sin, passion, joy, love, and sacrifice… just as one can never escape from seeing red. Red even presents itself among those who are colour-blind. It is the most tenacious colour on earth, and as demonstrated by most serial killers you can never simply wash away red blood with any kind of detergent. I believe it is the shade that reminds mankind to be determined and resolute in whatever they aim for in life, be it a silver-paved kingdom on the Moon or the tastiest curry puff in the world.

Four winning resolutions for 2012

Your life needs direction. Your life needs structure. You need a 5-year plan. And to top it off, you need a damn good 2012 New Year's resolution. Luckily for you, you're part of one of the most advanced artistic communities on the planet and you needn't look any farther than PA-G for inspiration.

Perhaps it's no wonder that there was a 4-way tie in that latest art competition of ours. That's right, four MS Paint artworks got a score of 8 and it's simply impossible to say which was the better. Take Stop Trying to Cut my dick off W a knife for example. Isn't this such an inspirational story about an ordinary man trying to stave off the strong impulse of genital self-mutilation? Happens to the best of us.

Ah, and then there's NEW YEARS RESOLVED LIFE DECISION. Most of us feel the strong urge to be more of a reptile or amphibian but few are brave enough to actually stick their necks out, be a man, and make the resolved life decision. Truly inspirational.

And let us not forget Learn to Land on My Birthday Cake. Before the advent of "cake landing reset button," many people actually died trying to land on their cake. It was - and still is - one of the most risky and extreme sporting activities known to mankind.

The last resolution is In 2012, I resolve to lose 5 pounds and it's already a well-known international sensation. However, some people have criticized it as being overly ambitious, and indeed it is. Leading weight loss scientists now say that you should not try to lose more than 1 pound over any 12-month period.

New Year's Resolutions for 2012

If you're going to choose an arbitrary date in the year to make a drastic change in your life, this is the time. That’s right, it’s time to make your New Year’s resolutions for 2012.  Maybe you want to lose 200 lbs, become a black belt in Tae-kwon-do, or learn to speak fluent Swahili. Whatever it is, we won’t judge.

What we will judge, however, is your artistic portrayal of these resolutions in the form of a digital artwork. To participate in PA-G’s newest art competition, you must draw your New Year’s resolution and tag it with “2012 resolutions.” The competition starts immediately and ends on Friday the 13^th of January. You may even make more than one submission to the competition if you're so inclined.

And just in case you're fresh out of ideas, the US government has been kind enough to provide us with a list of popular resolutions. Thank you so much, Uncle Sam!

May the best resolution win!

Interview with a notable visionary: Reub

Reub is a master of minimalism and some other ism I can't remember right now. When he recently created a rendition of Starry Starry Night which is vastly superior to the original, I realized it was high time that I interviewed him for PA-G:

Your artworks are simple, yet hold an inscrutible mystique. Take "Penis" for example. When I first saw it, I thought 'this is just a black line with 'penis' written in red letters above it.' But after looking at it several times, I realized there was a subtle brilliance at work. Please tell me more about "Penis."

Ever since I was a young lad, growing up in a household of artists I was always told that my work needs meaning and needs to portray emotion and dedication to my work - "penis" was a form of protest against this idea. I thought that creating this work of art would defy the boundaries of what art is; but little did I know that no matter what, art will always be motivated by something, and by creating something with no meaning, I am actually giving it meaning. I am eternally stuck in this paradox.

Then there's "Lol I'm oprah cake." Many people don't realize what lengths Oprah will go through to jam as much food as possible down her throat, but you obviously do. Could you tell me more about this incredible masterpiece?

It is a little known fact that Oprah has the world record for being the biggest, most deceiving cake-hungry owl murdering black woman ever to drive a bulldozer. But the owl tricked her by pooping in the cake. Oprah ate it anyway.

Hnnng. What the hell is "hnnnng math," and why am I stupid enough to have never heard of it before?

"hnnnng math" is the mathematics that manifests in the very core of your soul. One will discover this math only when true enlightenment is achieved. The night I decided I needed no sleep and I could study the whole night before an examination was the faithful night in which i was enlightened.

"Table mountain and sharks." This basically looks like Cape Town, South Africa, only 100 times better. Please elaborate on this breathtaking achievement.

South Africa is my homeland, and a land often praised by tourists and foreigners for its culture and landscapes. I made this artwork as a warning to all tourists, exposing the underbelly of the favored Cape Town. It's nice and all, but it overflows with greed and sharks. Totally overrated.

What about "your not free too grammar" and "Free?" Why do I suddenly feel more intelligenter after seeing these artworks?

"your not free too grammar" is a phrase very close to my heart. I came home one night, over-exhausted, and all of a sudden these words came to mind. Nothing describes our current society better than these 5 words. You are not free to say what you want, your not free too grammar. I hope these 2 artworks inspire people to say what they want and not consider the consequences.

Last of all, what's your favourite colour? Why is it the best colour in the known universe?

This is a question that has scratched its nails at the chalk-board of my brain ever since I had a brain. I cannot favor a colour, it's like telling a mother to pick a favorite child. If you mix all the colours together, you get brown. I kinda like brown.

The holy Ganges

A few weeks ago I was walking down the riverside of the Ganges and was staring at a bone on the shore and I was thinking to myself, "Is that a human bone?" And when I saw a pack of dogs wildly biting into a piece of flesh - their faces red with blood - I was thinking, "Is that human flesh?" When I chose to sleep on a caged rooftop that overlooked the entire city, open to the air, and I woke up in the middle of the night, face to face with a monkey, and I saw the massive burning ghat smouldering into the night, and I smelled that strange smell, I was thinking, "Oh yeah, I forgot about those burning bodies down there." And when a local man pointed out the raw sewage pouring into the river, then took a handful of Ganges water, smiled at me, and drank it, I was thinking, "I wonder if he got a few bits of burnt human bone in that gulp."

Truth of the matter is, a lot of dying Hindus have been going to Varanasi, over a lot of centuries to gain their ensured release from the endless cycle of reincarnation. Once burned, their ashes are tossed into the holy river. And for various reasons, a lot of dead bodies are not burned, but simply tied to a rock and thrown to the bottom of the river. Add in some serious industrial waste and sewage waste, and the fact that most residents of Varanasi drink the water daily, and you've got a recipe for "What the fuck." With all those bits of bones, at least the people don't need to worry about a calcium deficiency.

Here is my heart-stoppingly incredible rendition of Varanasi in MS Paint:

Our treacherous human history

The fragile human psyche - more specifically, the fragile human ego - cannot cope with our treacherous human history. For thousands of years WE have been harvested, nay, slaughtered, by a whole slew of malicious mammals, rapacious reptiles, and insidious insects. It would be obvious for us to observe even today, if we could only open our eyes. Unfortunately, we are plunged into an oblivion, an utter madness of our own making, which has insulated our minds from our subservient realities.

As an American, I've constantly been fed the story that we raped and pillaged the Native Americans, extinct several species, exploited the poor, hard-working people of...wherever...killed innocent civilians in countless countries - the list goes on. Similar myths of the cruelty of humans are being propagated worldwide (various genocides, human trafficking, blood money, etc). Yet what we fail to see is that this position of power - of exploiting the weak - is in fact meant to make us feel good about ourselves. Because in reality, the animals of the world own our ass, and there ain't anything we can do about it.

To understand what I'm talking about, you must become proficient in meditation and the Eastern technique of "reality seeing." When practising this meditation, you may be frightfully surprised to find that - especially with histories concerning animals - we have in fact been the victims, not the exploiters, of the world. Take the infamous American maritime history of whaling, for instance. It is a well-documented fact that rather than humans sending whaling ships out from Nantucket, Massachusetts to hunt sperm whales worldwide, sperm whales actually sent out hunting parties and brutally massacred herds of swimming humans (see the aquatic ape theory for more information).

Nor are our current realities particularly comforting. Rather than being in a comfortable living room or office cubicle (as many humans believe they are), many humans are actually fodder for the entertainment of the mammalian masses. What I mean to say is, many humans are actually living in a zoo. So the next time you're jamming a cheeseburger down your throat, smile for the cameras and you just might get a few free fries thrown your way.